Mom, an Update

My mother is still in the hospital. Her Calcium levels have gone down to an acceptable level, but she still has a really high heartrate and some difficulty breathing due to all of the fluids that they were giving her to bring down the Ca. She's been poked and prodded and stuck with needles over and over again. They changed her pain meds because what she was on was making her incredibly lethargic. Now, she's less lethargic, but the pain is a little more intense, and now she's developed a fever.

After our family meeting on Monday, I was designated as the healthcare contact person for my mom's care. I'm sure that the nurses are sick of me at this point, since I'm constantly asking them "why" and "what's next" and "what were the results of [whatever] test." I wanted this responsibility because I need to know what's going on. Considering that this situation is still fraught with questions and uncertainty, knowing what the doctors and nurses are doing every single step of the way is my only way of keeping some semblance of control. And, I just hate the not knowing part. But things are starting to make sense from a medial standpoint, so that's a relief. There's still so much that has to happen before my mom will be ok (or even ok enough to go home), but I am relieved to know that there's some sort of a plan.

Now I'm exhausted - physically and mentally. My muscles actually ache as if I've just had a strenuous workout. I went to work today just to get a break from spending every waking minute at the hospital with my mom. And if I'm not there, I (or my sister M) is at the house checking in on Dad, doing laundry, etc. Oh yeah, and we've been calling friends and family to postpone Saturday's surprise birthday fete for my soon-to-be-septuagenarian father. For now, I'm going to try and get some sleep, and hope that I can actually sleep through the night, which is a luxury that I haven't had in forever. Sigh. And ZZZZZZZ.......

Mom

My mom is sick. What was originally thought to be a pulled muscle in her back turned to be a broken vertebrae in her back. So she's been walking around for about a month in all sorts of pain. But that's the least of it. Since she didn't fall or experience any trauma, one has to wonder how it happened. There are several reasons why bones spontaneously break, and she'll be in the hospital for several days until the doctors figure out what the reason is.

Anyone who knows me knows that my mom and I have had our difficulties, but seeing her laying in a hospital bed makes me so afraid that I won't have time to make up for being a difficult daughter.

I've spent the last 2 days trying to make sure I have all of the current information from the doctors, making sure my dad is ok in the house by himself and is eating, trying to figure out "what's next."

So... yeah. There are so many "what if"s, and I am just having a tough time thinking about all of them. I've already established myself as the strong, taking charge one, but in reality, it's taking everything I have in me to not collapse into a fit of hysterics in front of everyone.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Except go to sleep so that I can head over to the hospital first thing in the morning.


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Photo of the Day, 5/28/2010

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Photo of the Day, 5/18/2010

Doing my civic duty.




(I forgot to post this yesterday!)

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Photo of the Day, 5/17/2010

A study in contrasts.







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Falling into place, finally

I haven't written here in a while. I've been hesitant from the very beginning to completely bare my heart and soul on a blog that anyone, anywhere could read. I thought it would be a good way for me to force myself to really think about the things that have been weighing on me over the last few months and years.

What I've realized, though, is that it's almost impossible to be completely open and honest here (or anywhere, for that matter). To lay bare all of the thoughts and worries that weigh on me would be to contradict what I've been saying to the people who care about me for months - that I'm fine and that I'm doing well. I've even gone so far as to stop seeing my friends because I don't want to give away the slightest hint that I'm not OK. And I've convinced myself that they don't want me around anyway, because I'm such a drag.

So now, I'm often painfully and frighteningly lonely. It's feeling that comes and goes in waves, some that feel like they're crushing me, but most of which seem to lap at my ankles. My only option is to just deal. I knew what I was getting into when I made the decisions that I did, and I can't go back on that now. I never thought that I'd say that I'm inherently a social creature, but I am. So to not be surrounded by friends and activity is difficult for me. But this new life is my choice. I have been pretty good at making the best of it, but it's still a difficult adjustment sometimes. So I am OK these days. I've picked up some new hobbies and resurrected a couple of old ones. I revel in being out and enjoying the spring weather. I think I still need a little more time to adjust, but things are falling into place now.

Phanatic Photopalooza (aka Photos of the Day, 4/29/2010)

At the Kimmel Center...





At Paine Plaza...





At 15th & Market...





At the Comcast Center...





At the Franklin Institute...





...aaaand at the Free Library of Philadelphia!




Whew!

P.S. Why could I not find the one located the closest to me - at the Art Museum?

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Photo of the Day, 4/24/2010

The Phillie Phanatic at Rittenhouse Square!






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Photo of the Day, 4/18/2010

The Phillie Phanatic at the Please Touch Museum!





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Travel Goals

I always thought that it was interesting that people I knew wanted to achieve the goal of traveling to every single continent, or every state in the US, or whatever may have interested them. And while It would be nice to say that I'd been to every continent, It's far more important to me to visit quite a few destinations, several of which are on the same continent, or on a continent that I've already visited.

Then an article about the statue of Christ the Redeemer in Rio caught my eye. I've always thought that it's an absolutely fascinating object, and I've always wanted to visit it. I realized that it's on the list of the New 7 Wonders of the World!

I also started thinking about how I've always been fascinated by the Seven Ancient Wonders, to the extent that I took a class in undergrad about translating the basic themes of the ancient wonders into modern times, and studying how things like the first subways, skyscrapers, dams, and suspension bridges were marvels in their own right, because many of them were constructed without any of the tools that are in use today, like motor-controlled engines, electrical lines, cranes, etc.

So the Modern Wonders... THAT'S MY LIST! Everything on the list is something that I've wanted to visit anyway. This is so cool! Despite the fact that I have no really, immediate travel plans, it's a starting point, and I'm suddenly so very excited!!

The wonders are:
Giza Pyramid Complex in Cairo Egypt (the only remaining Ancient Wonder, and probably my first destination)
Chichen Itza in Yucatan Mexico (my parents have already been there)
Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
The Colosseum in Rome, Italy
The Great Wall of China
Machu Picchu in Cuzco, Peru
Petra in Jordan (maybe I could go here at the same time I go to Egypt)
Taj Mahal in Agra India (since everyone who knows me knows that I've been obsessed with India, this destination clearly would be one of the first that I'd go to)

So, who's with me? I'm thinking Egypt in summer 2010. Where to next?