I can't wait to see this...

I love seeing the two of them together!

Irritating conversation with my mother of the day

Mom: What are you doing on Sunday May 24th?

Me: Not sure. What's up?

Mom: Cousin Vera's [my dad's second cousin -- i think...] daughter is getting married, and it's a family wedding, so the entire family was invited. I need to RSVP by tomorrow.

Me: Uh... um... [stalling] Let me get back to you tomorrow.

Mom: Why? If you have anything on that day, you need to change your plans to go to the wedding.

Me: I'll check back with you tomorrow.

Mom: Why wait until tomorrow? You'll just have to change whatever plans you made for that day.

**The End**

I NEED to change my plans?? Is my mother serious? There's absolutely nothing that my mom would deem appropriate enough for me to skip the wedding of someone I don't know? Not that I'm trying to be difficult and argumentative, but really. I don't know who Cousin Vera's daughter is. If she showed up at my door right now, I wouldn't have the foggiest idea of who she was. And she's a second cousin or something like that.

I mean, I get the whole family bonding/unity thing, but come on. One can't be expected to attend the wedding of each and every single extended family member. M (little sister) said that she's not going; I don't even need to ask H (big sister) about it to know that she's not going to go. It sounds heartless, but I'm not going without at least one partner in crime!

*Sigh*

Under-buyer or Over-buyer?

When I first saw this Unclutterer post about whether one is an over-buyer or an under-buyer, I automatically thought that I was an OVER-buyer.  Why?  Because I love to shop.  I've become addicted to shoes.  Seriously -- I have a problem.  But then it turns out that for the most part, I'm an UNDER-buyer.  I do things like go and buy toilet paper when there's a quarter of a roll left.  Or dish soap when there's so little left in the bottle that I have to sit it upside-down to get any out at all.  I do have an annoying habit of throwing food away that has passed its expiration date, but I think that's more of a function of me not cooking at home enough, OR, that when I do cook, sometimes I cook only the things that require the absolute minimum amount of effort, and then unfortunately, other things go bad.  But, otherwise, I'm definitely an under-buyer. 

A couple of criticisms that I have about those questions are that:

1. Sometimes you DO have to run to a bunch of stores in preparation for a trip, particularly if you're going somewhere where the season is off from where you live. 
2. Sometimes people DON'T stock up on things like saline, toilet paper, gas, etc., because they don't have *that* much cash available, or because they don't have the storage space.  My parents have enough TP and paper towels and bar soap stored in the house to last them the rest of the year, but that's because their house has tons of storage space.  I have NO storage space, so I pretty much buy things like that as I need them.  And while I'd rather fill up my tank with gas when I do go to the gas station, I don't feel bad about only putting $10 in my car because I drive so infrequently that $10 worth of gas is going to last me a LONG time. 

But, nonetheless, I'm a UNDER-buyer.  Interesting tidbit to know about myself...

Reading suggestions!

So I need to find a new book -- or series of books -- to start reading.  I have to thank A for turning me on to the Twilight series, as well as another teen series of books about vampires.  Yes.  I have been reading teen books.  Teen books about vampires.  I don't know what it is about them, but in the last month or so, I've felt like I don't have the mental energy to to read anything too heavy.  Everything else in my life is 'heavy.'  And despite the fact that these books aren't even remotely intellectually challenging, they're great because they so easily suck you into this interesting fantasy world for a little while.  I know that A is continuing with the vampire theme...  I don't necessarily need to stick with that theme, but I'd like to hear what everyone else is reading (all 2 of my readers out there!).  What's good?  What do you suggest?  I'm open for "serious" options AND "fun" options. 

Come on, bring on the suggestions!

Insomnia

Why

Am

I

Still

Awake

????

A terrible task

So today, I called a daycare on behalf of a friend who was on the waiting list there. I called them to tell them to take my friend off of the waiting list for the day care, as the baby had unfortunately died. It was such a simple task, and took about 3 minutes. I let them know, and address the refunding of the security deposit. I was actually expecting to be asked what happened, but fortunately (or unfortunately?), the woman who answered the phone was very business-like and professional, and simply said "I'm sorry to hear that. Could you spell the last name for me?"

This task ended up falling to me because this friend wrote on her blog about how she got a phonecall from another daycare saying that they'd gotten in. I think there was a combination of procrastination on her part in terms of addressing the issue -- understandably so -- and there was the hope, the anticipation that if they waited just a little bit longer, they could just ask to change the date that they would need the daycare for their next baby. I know that that first call completely tore my friend up inside, and ripped open old wounds that hadn't really begun to heal anyway. Plus, it came at a time when the amount of time he's been dead has now exceeded the length of time that he was OK. So when she was dealing with the glaring reminder that she'd lost her son (despite the fact that I know that everything is a reminder for her), I offered to call the remaining daycares so that she didn't have to go through that conversation over and over again.

While I can't begin to understand the depth and breadth of her anguish, I've tried to do whatever I can to be there for her through this. And today, that meant calling a daycare to tell them that she didn't need them because she didn't have a baby. It really was an absolutely horrible task, and yet, so simple to do for someone I care about.

When is it too late for a do-over?

I've come to the realization recently that I sometimes have the tendency to unconsciously sabotage important things in my life in order to save myself from the disappointment and frustration of failing. I know, it makes absolutely zero sense. For example, there's a guy who is really special to me. And for a while, I was really special to him. But then somehow, I got it in my head that he would eventually lose interest in me, so *I* put out that fire first. And while I've realized that this behavior has manifested itself the most significantly in the case of relationships, I know that I do it in quite a few situations to varying degrees... with friends, in my job search, and more.

But now that I realize it, how do I stop doing it? How do I convince myself that the possibility of my being disappointed isn't any greater or less than that of anyone else? How do I dig deep into my subconscious to explain to myself that a) if I give myself just the slightest chance so see how something plays out, it might actually work in my favor, and b) that being rejected or disappointed on occasion isn't quite the catastrophe that I've made it out to be?

And more importantly, where did this attitude come from? I feel like I have a perfectionist, all-or-nothing take to just about everything... there's no glass half full; it's either full or empty. I need to figure out how I can just let myself play things out. And if things don't work out the way that I'd like them to, how do I NOT make it personal?

Finally, is it ever possible to go back and redress some of the missteps that I've made in the past? Is it worth it?

Sigh. So much introspection makes me hungry. And tired. Snack & then bed time...

To move or not to move?

An opportunity has come up for me to share a house with two friends. It's a 3-bedroom house, just a few blocks away from where I live now.

Pros:
-Roommates = companionship
-Rent is almost 1/2 of what I'm currently paying.
-They have a dog!

Cons:
-Moving into a house with roommates seems like a step backwards on the maturity spectrum.
-I think I'd make a crappy roommate. I'm cranky and moody, and I can be a slob sometimes.
-I worry about the dynamics, since the other two girls are sisters.
-Considering that I'm looking at jobs everywhere, I don't know if I'll even be staying in Philly.
-I hate moving.

What to do?!

She liked them!

Or, that's what she told me...

Since Anna was wonderful enough to give me lots and lots of knitting needles, I thought that the least I could do is to make her something with my new-found skill! I definitely see lots of room for improvement, but all in all, the socks turned out OK. I did make one a little tiny bit bigger than the other (and not because Anna has freakishly unevenly sized feet). I do have to admit that I think the self-striping yarn is pretty cool, too.

I've moved on to more spring-y and summer-y knitting projects, so no more comfy wool socks for me for now... I've also been cutting back on knitting projects on doctors' orders (well, acupuncturists' orders), and I even took a break for a little over a week, but I've gotten back into it because I like how it makes me feel slightly productive.

(oops... I just realized that the pictures of the completed socks are on my camera, and the battery is dead, so I'll have to upload them another time. Since I know that all 2 of my blog readers are *dying* to see the finished product...)

Good and Bad...

So I got quite a bit accomplished today. I did a TON of laundry, and sorted my winter clothes to store them for the summer. (As an aside, I realized that one completely superficial side-effect of not working is that I didn't get to wear any of my nice winter work clothes. See you next winter, cute little felted wool dress...) Plus, I did some much-needed cleaning, too. I was THIS close to being carried off by dust bunnies!

I did break my one cardinal rule that I've had since I stopped working. Today was the first day -- other than when I was too sick to get out of bed -- that I didn't leave my apartment all day. Not once. I thought about running out to the supermarket, but then I decided that I might as well just do it tomorrow when I know that I'm going to be out and about anyway. I didn't even go out for a coffee or to take a walk. On one hand, I hate those days when I don't see or talk to another soul, but on the other hand, I didn't kick myself in the ass to get out.

I'm back on the wagon tomorrow, partially because I have to be anyway. No hiding out in my apartment for me; I have a movie date with my nephews tomorrow!

P.S. I hope I wasn't being overly optimistic by putting away my winter comforter. I know it might be a bit premature, but for some reason, I just couldn't bear it anymore and I had to switch it out for my spring/summer quilt!