I've come to the realization recently that I sometimes have the tendency to unconsciously sabotage important things in my life in order to save myself from the disappointment and frustration of failing. I know, it makes absolutely zero sense. For example, there's a guy who is really special to me. And for a while, I was really special to him. But then somehow, I got it in my head that he would eventually lose interest in me, so *I* put out that fire first. And while I've realized that this behavior has manifested itself the most significantly in the case of relationships, I know that I do it in quite a few situations to varying degrees... with friends, in my job search, and more.
But now that I realize it, how do I stop doing it? How do I convince myself that the possibility of my being disappointed isn't any greater or less than that of anyone else? How do I dig deep into my subconscious to explain to myself that a) if I give myself just the slightest chance so see how something plays out, it might actually work in my favor, and b) that being rejected or disappointed on occasion isn't quite the catastrophe that I've made it out to be?
And more importantly, where did this attitude come from? I feel like I have a perfectionist, all-or-nothing take to just about everything... there's no glass half full; it's either full or empty. I need to figure out how I can just let myself play things out. And if things don't work out the way that I'd like them to, how do I NOT make it personal?
Finally, is it ever possible to go back and redress some of the missteps that I've made in the past? Is it worth it?
Sigh. So much introspection makes me hungry. And tired. Snack & then bed time...
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