It's been quite a while since I've taken the time to stop and write about how I've been feeling. Maybe it's because I'm still not feeling great. Nothing has really changed over the last year and a half, except that I've gotten better at suppressing all of the things that have affected me so much. That's not entirely true; I am better, it just doesn't feel like it some of the time.
Unfortunately, though I feel myself sliding backwards quite a bit. A few things that I thought I'd resolved or learned how to deal with have been cropping up again, and it's difficult. It all makes me question why I persist in forging connections with and getting close to people when I always end up feeling left behind in the dust in the end.
I shed my tears over this and now I'm done. I refuse to let something like this impact my life more than it already has, and I refuse to let it keep happening. If that means that I have to lose that little bit of optimism that I had left, then so be it. I just need to keep chugging along with my life, not open myself up quite so much (at all?). I'm just so tired of it, and I can't keep doing it. I need to just make the best of the way that things are, and stop trying to change them.
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