A little more venting and then I'm done.

Maybe it's just because I'm hypersensitive, but twice in the last day have people randomly given me unsolicited information/advice/warnings, and it's really starting to get on my nerves.

Yesterday I was walking into a building where I was required to get buzzed in by the person I was visiting. As I'm approaching the key pad thingy on the wall, this little old lady is coming out of the building. After she comes out, she kind of stands in front of the door (as if to bar my way in) and says "I can't let you in. You'll have to get buzzed in." Um. OK. Thanks for the tip. I had no idea. Really. I'm not a proponent of granny-cide, but I so wanted to kick her in the shins. But instead, I said in my sweetest possible voice that I never had any intention of asking her to open the door for me. Old biddy.

And then on the trolley on my way to work this morning, I sat down in one of the single seats towards the front. The trolley was pretty full, but nowhere near capacity. Mostly, all of the pairs of seats were occupied by a single person. So after I sit down, this guy (around my age, I'd guess), leans across the aisle and says to me "you should really give up your seat to someone who needs it more." HUH? I'm sorry -- where was the old lady or pregnant woman who I must have shoved out of the way to get to the seat? And who the f*&k is he to tell he something like that? So a couple of stops later, an older man gets on, and I just sat there while this dude gave me the evil eye. Why? Because HE was occupying TWO seats himself. And I figured that he should lead by example. So I just glared at him as he scooted over to let the older man sit down.

I don't know why this pissed me off SO much, but both times, I was left FUMING. Especially this morning. I mean, it's like this guy looked at me, decided that I was going to be rude and inconsiderate, and thought that he should proactively give me a warning? And what about HIM being a gentleman, since he appeared to be young and healthy himself. WTF. Sigh. Enough griping. Now I'm going to write the post that I originally intended to write...

Things that are irritating me today...

1. People who crowd you unnecessarily in elevators. If there are only 3 of us in there, there's absolutely NO reason why you need to be so close that our arms are touching!

2. People who line jump in the coffee shop.  You looked right at me, and then stepped in line in front of me.  And then when you caught me glaring at you, you said "were you in line?"  No, I'm just standing behind a bunch of other people who are waiting for their turn for shits and giggles. 

3. The PPA.  How was I supposed to know that parking in a meter-less 2 hour time limited spot renders THE ENTIRE BLOCK off-limits for the rest of the day?  That's a bunch of bull$^!#. 

4. My iron.  I burned my finger this morning.  It hurts like a mo-fo. 

5. Getting up for early meetings only to arrive at work to find that your 8:30am meeting has been moved to 9:15.

6. Knowing that the only time slot available for someone you MUST talk to next week is at 8:00am.  And that person is always on time. 

7. MS Excel. My stupid worksheet window has somehow moved to the top of the screen within the program, so I can't see my top few rows. WTF?

I'm sure there's more, but I have to get back to work.

I can't wait to see this...

I love seeing the two of them together!

Irritating conversation with my mother of the day

Mom: What are you doing on Sunday May 24th?

Me: Not sure. What's up?

Mom: Cousin Vera's [my dad's second cousin -- i think...] daughter is getting married, and it's a family wedding, so the entire family was invited. I need to RSVP by tomorrow.

Me: Uh... um... [stalling] Let me get back to you tomorrow.

Mom: Why? If you have anything on that day, you need to change your plans to go to the wedding.

Me: I'll check back with you tomorrow.

Mom: Why wait until tomorrow? You'll just have to change whatever plans you made for that day.

**The End**

I NEED to change my plans?? Is my mother serious? There's absolutely nothing that my mom would deem appropriate enough for me to skip the wedding of someone I don't know? Not that I'm trying to be difficult and argumentative, but really. I don't know who Cousin Vera's daughter is. If she showed up at my door right now, I wouldn't have the foggiest idea of who she was. And she's a second cousin or something like that.

I mean, I get the whole family bonding/unity thing, but come on. One can't be expected to attend the wedding of each and every single extended family member. M (little sister) said that she's not going; I don't even need to ask H (big sister) about it to know that she's not going to go. It sounds heartless, but I'm not going without at least one partner in crime!

*Sigh*

Under-buyer or Over-buyer?

When I first saw this Unclutterer post about whether one is an over-buyer or an under-buyer, I automatically thought that I was an OVER-buyer.  Why?  Because I love to shop.  I've become addicted to shoes.  Seriously -- I have a problem.  But then it turns out that for the most part, I'm an UNDER-buyer.  I do things like go and buy toilet paper when there's a quarter of a roll left.  Or dish soap when there's so little left in the bottle that I have to sit it upside-down to get any out at all.  I do have an annoying habit of throwing food away that has passed its expiration date, but I think that's more of a function of me not cooking at home enough, OR, that when I do cook, sometimes I cook only the things that require the absolute minimum amount of effort, and then unfortunately, other things go bad.  But, otherwise, I'm definitely an under-buyer. 

A couple of criticisms that I have about those questions are that:

1. Sometimes you DO have to run to a bunch of stores in preparation for a trip, particularly if you're going somewhere where the season is off from where you live. 
2. Sometimes people DON'T stock up on things like saline, toilet paper, gas, etc., because they don't have *that* much cash available, or because they don't have the storage space.  My parents have enough TP and paper towels and bar soap stored in the house to last them the rest of the year, but that's because their house has tons of storage space.  I have NO storage space, so I pretty much buy things like that as I need them.  And while I'd rather fill up my tank with gas when I do go to the gas station, I don't feel bad about only putting $10 in my car because I drive so infrequently that $10 worth of gas is going to last me a LONG time. 

But, nonetheless, I'm a UNDER-buyer.  Interesting tidbit to know about myself...

Reading suggestions!

So I need to find a new book -- or series of books -- to start reading.  I have to thank A for turning me on to the Twilight series, as well as another teen series of books about vampires.  Yes.  I have been reading teen books.  Teen books about vampires.  I don't know what it is about them, but in the last month or so, I've felt like I don't have the mental energy to to read anything too heavy.  Everything else in my life is 'heavy.'  And despite the fact that these books aren't even remotely intellectually challenging, they're great because they so easily suck you into this interesting fantasy world for a little while.  I know that A is continuing with the vampire theme...  I don't necessarily need to stick with that theme, but I'd like to hear what everyone else is reading (all 2 of my readers out there!).  What's good?  What do you suggest?  I'm open for "serious" options AND "fun" options. 

Come on, bring on the suggestions!

Insomnia

Why

Am

I

Still

Awake

????

A terrible task

So today, I called a daycare on behalf of a friend who was on the waiting list there. I called them to tell them to take my friend off of the waiting list for the day care, as the baby had unfortunately died. It was such a simple task, and took about 3 minutes. I let them know, and address the refunding of the security deposit. I was actually expecting to be asked what happened, but fortunately (or unfortunately?), the woman who answered the phone was very business-like and professional, and simply said "I'm sorry to hear that. Could you spell the last name for me?"

This task ended up falling to me because this friend wrote on her blog about how she got a phonecall from another daycare saying that they'd gotten in. I think there was a combination of procrastination on her part in terms of addressing the issue -- understandably so -- and there was the hope, the anticipation that if they waited just a little bit longer, they could just ask to change the date that they would need the daycare for their next baby. I know that that first call completely tore my friend up inside, and ripped open old wounds that hadn't really begun to heal anyway. Plus, it came at a time when the amount of time he's been dead has now exceeded the length of time that he was OK. So when she was dealing with the glaring reminder that she'd lost her son (despite the fact that I know that everything is a reminder for her), I offered to call the remaining daycares so that she didn't have to go through that conversation over and over again.

While I can't begin to understand the depth and breadth of her anguish, I've tried to do whatever I can to be there for her through this. And today, that meant calling a daycare to tell them that she didn't need them because she didn't have a baby. It really was an absolutely horrible task, and yet, so simple to do for someone I care about.

When is it too late for a do-over?

I've come to the realization recently that I sometimes have the tendency to unconsciously sabotage important things in my life in order to save myself from the disappointment and frustration of failing. I know, it makes absolutely zero sense. For example, there's a guy who is really special to me. And for a while, I was really special to him. But then somehow, I got it in my head that he would eventually lose interest in me, so *I* put out that fire first. And while I've realized that this behavior has manifested itself the most significantly in the case of relationships, I know that I do it in quite a few situations to varying degrees... with friends, in my job search, and more.

But now that I realize it, how do I stop doing it? How do I convince myself that the possibility of my being disappointed isn't any greater or less than that of anyone else? How do I dig deep into my subconscious to explain to myself that a) if I give myself just the slightest chance so see how something plays out, it might actually work in my favor, and b) that being rejected or disappointed on occasion isn't quite the catastrophe that I've made it out to be?

And more importantly, where did this attitude come from? I feel like I have a perfectionist, all-or-nothing take to just about everything... there's no glass half full; it's either full or empty. I need to figure out how I can just let myself play things out. And if things don't work out the way that I'd like them to, how do I NOT make it personal?

Finally, is it ever possible to go back and redress some of the missteps that I've made in the past? Is it worth it?

Sigh. So much introspection makes me hungry. And tired. Snack & then bed time...

To move or not to move?

An opportunity has come up for me to share a house with two friends. It's a 3-bedroom house, just a few blocks away from where I live now.

Pros:
-Roommates = companionship
-Rent is almost 1/2 of what I'm currently paying.
-They have a dog!

Cons:
-Moving into a house with roommates seems like a step backwards on the maturity spectrum.
-I think I'd make a crappy roommate. I'm cranky and moody, and I can be a slob sometimes.
-I worry about the dynamics, since the other two girls are sisters.
-Considering that I'm looking at jobs everywhere, I don't know if I'll even be staying in Philly.
-I hate moving.

What to do?!