Photo of the day, 9/23/09

I saw this at an exhibit at the Free Library today, and it made me chuckle. The detail doesn't show up too well b/c the battery on my real camera died, but the detail is needlepoint! And the title of the item is "20 pieces."

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A new initiative

I have come to two conclusions. First, that I don't use my blog enough. Second, that when I DO blog, it's lately been sad and depressing. SO, in an effort to turn both of those things around, I'm going to start posting a picture of the day. I have just two rules for this project: I have to take the picture myself, and I have to take it that day. No digging through archives of old photos for this project. An added benefit (I hope) is that I'll be able to brush up on some of my photography skills as I go along.

Today's picture to come...

My new "project"

S and I decided today that we need to do some sort of weekly activity that gets us out and about. I mean, S is one of my closest friends, and we always have fun, but most of the time that we spend together is at a bar or restaurant or dinner party with a small group or friends. And don't get me wrong, I love those sort of outings, but I really do need to interact with more people outside of my really insular group of friends.

SO, S and I decided that we're going to do something once a week that gets us out of our friend cocoons. We're already off to a good start. We're going to a concert this week and next week. Then there's "Science on Tap" or something, and then there's an open house at the Drexel observatory.

Anyone have suggestions of fun, preferably inexpensive things to do around the city? Things that don't necessarily require a regular commitment, but that get us out and give us the chance to potentially meet new people. I'm determined to have more fun, so I need some help! And if anyone's interested in joining on any of these excursions, come along!!

(P.S. I think I need to come up with different nicknames for friends. I just realized that both this post and the previous one mentioned "my friend S." Only thing is, they refer to 2 different S's. Hm... nicknames to come...)

I.O.U.

So yesterday my friend S commented that my last post was very depressing. I promised him that my next post would be more upbeat. Unfortunately, S, I can't do that today, but I owe you one. I'll deliver on that as soon as possible.

Great big old sigh

I've realized that, while I want to blog when I'm in a good mood, I generally don't because I'm too busy out and about having a good time and doing things that I enjoy. It's only when I'm not in a good mood and being out and active are the last things that I want to do that I feel an urge to write.

Maybe it's because I have all of these feelings that start to stew inside my head and heart. Maybe it's because when I AM out with people I feel incapable of letting them out, and the pressure builds and builds until it gets to the point where I just burst. It happens every few months, and I know that what I should be doing is consistently letting a little bit of steam off at a time, but I don't know how to do that.

So now, I'm bursting. The steam has built up inside of me to a point that can no longer be contained. And there's no letting it out bit by bit. It just explodes out of me uncontrollably, completely drowning me in it.

In the end, what it all boils down to is that I just feel like I don't belong. There's nowhere that I really FIT. I don't BELONG to anyone - not my parents, not my friends, not a SO. I'm just totally on my own, and it's such a miserable feeling.

But at the same time, I know that, in a few days, I'll start to feel like my old self again, and I'll go back to doing the things that make me happy, if it's an impermanent happiness.

What I really, really, really want, though, is that type of happiness that is pure and all-consuming and fulfilling; the kind that spontaneously brings a smile to your face; the kind that drives you to bounce out of bed in the morning ready to embrace the new day. I don't have that. I've never had that. I just wish that I could figure out how to fix whatever it is that's wrong with me. Maybe if I did, then I'd be able to figure out where I belong. Maybe I could have faith in myself and in my abilities. Maybe I'd know what it feels like to be loved.

But until then, this is my bursting-steam-pipe-week. My heart is full. I just need to let it all out, and reset, and then start all over again.

At my limit.

I'm having a tough time supporting someone who is themselves going through a hard time because I am constantly reminded of some of my own past problems. I almost don't know how to help this person without turning into a blubbering mess myself. I know that this is not about me, and I'm trying really hard to focus on that fact so that I can be there for this person, but it's been really difficult thus far.

What about personal responsibility?

I was discussing this recent news story with my coworker CL today about how this woman actually sued her college because she hadn't found a job in the three months since she graduated. She blamed the career services department, and claimed that they didn't do enough outreach and networking on her behalf.

CL commented that she thought it was a pointless suit because this grad's inability to get a job wasn't the "fault" of the school, but rather the fault of the economy, and that the current economic situation means that unfortunately a lot of graduates are struggling to find work in their fields. CL also commented that, unfortunately, due to the economy recent grads and job seekers in general are often obliged to take jobs for which they are over-qualified, but that's an unfortunate side-effect of the recession. This grad implied that jobs in the retail and service industries were beneath someone like her.

While I agree with what CL said, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this lawsuit-happy recent grad is completely delusional, and has a ridiculous sense of self-importance. She place the onus of finding a job on the school alone. It seems like she seriously expected to put in the minimum amount of effort and still have jobs thrown her way.

And while I don't want to make any personal attacks on this woman, she has a GPA of 2.7. Unfortunately, that doesn't make her an outstanding candidate on paper. And since there are far more candidates for fewer jobs, I'd think that a less-than-stellar GPA would drop her name down a few slots on a potential employer's list of candidates. So she should, with that knowledge, really try a bit harder to show off her positive attributes.

People FAR more experienced and qualified than this woman have gone months and even years without finding "the right" position. The ones that I know have made some really serious efforts to find a job - any job or jobs - that will get them through the next couple of lean years.

Hopefully this woman will take a good, hard look at herself AND the world around her and realize that even in the best of times, we don't always get what we want when we want it, much less in times like these. And because of that, everyone - job-seekers and working people alike - unfortunately have to work harder to get what they want, and sometimes get less than what they want.

Sting, why do you tempt me so?

Oh Joy of Joys! I opened my e-mail inbox this morning to see a message from the Philadelphia Orchestra announcing a concert that they were putting on with Sting! Yay! I love Sting. I think his music is deeply moving at times, and at the same time, it can be rather catchy and mainstream.

So my disappointment was palpable when I find out that the tickets (for the January 2010 show) are going to be $200 a pop! OUCH. So what if it's their anniversary concert? Sting and Philadelphia Orchestra, why do you tease me so?

Movie-inspired spontaneity!

Saturday afternoon, S, C and I went to see The Hangover. If you haven't seen it, stop what you're doing right now, and go see it. I don't care if it's the middle of the day. I don't care if you're at work or school. Just get up and go, and you won't regret it!

For those of you who don't know, The Hangover is about 4 friends who go to Las Vegas for one guy's bachelor party, and then of course, craziness ensues. From the very first scene, it was hilarious! So off-the-wall and crazy, but each and every ludicrous moment had a huge side of truth to it!

Anyway, after the movie, we went to get a bite to eat, and then decided to hop in the car and drive to Atlantic City! It was SO much fun! Other than going to Caesars, the similarities to the movie ended there. We gambled a bit (S won, C and I did not), and played in the ocean. We took a really fun ride on the boardwalk in a rolling chair with a driver who was either drunk on life, or drunk on alcohol.

I realized two things after this adventure. First, I really, really, really need to do more fun, crazy spontaneous things! Second, I heart Bradley Cooper.

I have a substance abuse problem...

Is there rehab for people addicted to yarn?



Although almost all of the yarn that I bought today are for Christmas gifts. I realized that it'll take me until Christmas to knit all of the gifts that I want to make.