Comfortably Numb

And I'm not talking about the Pink Floyd song.

This describes the way that I feel far better than I could ever describe it myself.

I found the link to this post from The Happiness Project, which H has been talking about for quite a while. I have to admit that I haven't really been paying too much attention to it, but perhaps it deserves another look...

Photo of the day, 9/26/09

This needs no explanation!




Although other than the awesome concert, the other highlight was the middle aged couple two rows in front of us. They were hysterical!


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Photo of the Day, 9/25/09

I got home in the wee hours of the morning, so I'm just getting around to posting the picture from last night. Introducing, my new best friend Cassie!

She and her owner were sitting at the table next to us at Triumph last night. She was so cute and so friendly, I just wanted to snatch her up and run away with her!!

P.S. Sorry about the picture quality; she wouldn't sit still long enough for a good picture!

Photo of the Day, 9/24/09

J celebrating the 250th anniversary of Guinness as only an Irishwoman can!

Culture and Education

I spent this evening at the Free Library of Philadelphia at the launch of the 2010 "One Book, One Philadelphia" project. The kick-off event was headlined by the author of this years' selection, Marjane Satrapi. Her 2-book series of autobiographical graphic novels (or "comics" as she insisted they be called), "Persepholis" is going to be the foundation upon which literacy, educational, and cultural events are built over the next year.

The first volume caught my eye several years ago, when it was first published in English. At the time, I was at the peak of my Iran fascination. I read and watched everything that I could about life in Iran. Of particular interest was the time during and immediately before and after the Islamic Revolution, and how the revolution affected the lives of Iranian women.

I was like a sponge. I needed to read everything and anything written about the era. I consumed every autobiography and memoir that I could get my hands on. I read books written by Iranian women, as well as books written by Western women (mostly journalists) about their experiences there.

So when the first volume of "Persepholis" came my way, I pounced. It told the story of a young Iranian girl sent to Europe to school during the Revolution, and the second volume followed with her journeys back to Iran. The story of her life was touching and heartbreaking at the same time, with a sprinkling of levity that could only come from the format. Satrapi's drawings are simple yet full of personality and emotion. It's amazing to me how the characters in a graphic novel (ahem, comic) can so clearly evoke happiness, sadness, fear, homesickness...

I have to admit that I was a little bit starstruck when I reached the front of the line to get my book signed. I completely forgot to ask her the question that I had in mind. But it's no matter. I have a new treasure - autographed (first edition!!) copies of Persepholis volumes one and two. And more importantly, I can't wait to hear about the schedule of events for "One Book, One Philadelphia" 2010!

Photo of the day, 9/23/09

I saw this at an exhibit at the Free Library today, and it made me chuckle. The detail doesn't show up too well b/c the battery on my real camera died, but the detail is needlepoint! And the title of the item is "20 pieces."

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A new initiative

I have come to two conclusions. First, that I don't use my blog enough. Second, that when I DO blog, it's lately been sad and depressing. SO, in an effort to turn both of those things around, I'm going to start posting a picture of the day. I have just two rules for this project: I have to take the picture myself, and I have to take it that day. No digging through archives of old photos for this project. An added benefit (I hope) is that I'll be able to brush up on some of my photography skills as I go along.

Today's picture to come...

My new "project"

S and I decided today that we need to do some sort of weekly activity that gets us out and about. I mean, S is one of my closest friends, and we always have fun, but most of the time that we spend together is at a bar or restaurant or dinner party with a small group or friends. And don't get me wrong, I love those sort of outings, but I really do need to interact with more people outside of my really insular group of friends.

SO, S and I decided that we're going to do something once a week that gets us out of our friend cocoons. We're already off to a good start. We're going to a concert this week and next week. Then there's "Science on Tap" or something, and then there's an open house at the Drexel observatory.

Anyone have suggestions of fun, preferably inexpensive things to do around the city? Things that don't necessarily require a regular commitment, but that get us out and give us the chance to potentially meet new people. I'm determined to have more fun, so I need some help! And if anyone's interested in joining on any of these excursions, come along!!

(P.S. I think I need to come up with different nicknames for friends. I just realized that both this post and the previous one mentioned "my friend S." Only thing is, they refer to 2 different S's. Hm... nicknames to come...)

I.O.U.

So yesterday my friend S commented that my last post was very depressing. I promised him that my next post would be more upbeat. Unfortunately, S, I can't do that today, but I owe you one. I'll deliver on that as soon as possible.

Great big old sigh

I've realized that, while I want to blog when I'm in a good mood, I generally don't because I'm too busy out and about having a good time and doing things that I enjoy. It's only when I'm not in a good mood and being out and active are the last things that I want to do that I feel an urge to write.

Maybe it's because I have all of these feelings that start to stew inside my head and heart. Maybe it's because when I AM out with people I feel incapable of letting them out, and the pressure builds and builds until it gets to the point where I just burst. It happens every few months, and I know that what I should be doing is consistently letting a little bit of steam off at a time, but I don't know how to do that.

So now, I'm bursting. The steam has built up inside of me to a point that can no longer be contained. And there's no letting it out bit by bit. It just explodes out of me uncontrollably, completely drowning me in it.

In the end, what it all boils down to is that I just feel like I don't belong. There's nowhere that I really FIT. I don't BELONG to anyone - not my parents, not my friends, not a SO. I'm just totally on my own, and it's such a miserable feeling.

But at the same time, I know that, in a few days, I'll start to feel like my old self again, and I'll go back to doing the things that make me happy, if it's an impermanent happiness.

What I really, really, really want, though, is that type of happiness that is pure and all-consuming and fulfilling; the kind that spontaneously brings a smile to your face; the kind that drives you to bounce out of bed in the morning ready to embrace the new day. I don't have that. I've never had that. I just wish that I could figure out how to fix whatever it is that's wrong with me. Maybe if I did, then I'd be able to figure out where I belong. Maybe I could have faith in myself and in my abilities. Maybe I'd know what it feels like to be loved.

But until then, this is my bursting-steam-pipe-week. My heart is full. I just need to let it all out, and reset, and then start all over again.