What I think about when I can't sleep

There are all sorts of thoughts that run through my head when I am awake at 3am. I think about the things that I have left undone. I think about the things that I want for the rest of my life. I wonder about how things would be if they were... different. I think about the things that I can and that I can't control. Especially the things that I can't control. I think a lot about regrets. I constantly wish that I could turn the clock back weeks, months, years. I think about things left unsaid, and things that I wish had been left unsaid. I ask myself "what if" and "why not" and "when" and "where." I rewrite history in my head. And all of these things: I think about them EVERY night. These are the wheels in my head that never stop turning. These questions never get answered, these problems are never resolved. They just cycle through my head ad infinitum.

Silence

It's just about 9pm, and I just realized that an entire day has elapsed without me talking to a single person. I don't really know how I feel about that, other than it just IS. I didn't make any attempt to talk to anyone; I had plans to go out today, and I just kept pushing them back an hour until it became too late.

And it's not the first time. I go through days at a stretch when I don't speak to another person, unless I go to work. Even then, sometimes I can go through a whole day without opening my mouth. This constant silence feels like it's almost smothering. I think that's why I always have to have music or the TV on all the time. At least I'm catching up on my podcasts.

A minor knitting rant

As I was getting ready to leave my aunt's after Thanksgiving dinner last night, my cousin asked about my Onerva scarf that I'd knit. She really liked it, and begged me to make one for her. (I've already made her Christmas gift, but I just might have to come up with a little something extra for her!) Anyway, my aunt's friend, who was also at the dinner, also commented on it, and then asked me to knit not one, not two, but THREE items for her. I looked at her somewhat in disbelief, as she said that she would like a triangular scarf, a regular scarf, and then a cardigan sweater. I even said to her that I hated knitting sweaters, and that I have yet to finish the one that I started for myself back in March. She oh-so-kindly responded that she could wait until after Christmas. Dude, I'm not even knitting scarves for my family members, who I know and love because they take too darn long. There's no way that I'm going to knit all this stuff for my aunt's friend, since I barely know her! But seriously... she just made her requests like it's no big deal.

(OK, rant over.)

I'm a fan of knitting, but this is a bit much...

The bike racks outside my favorite coffee shop have new "decorations." It's ...uh... interesting. (P.S. Apologies for the poor photo quality. I took these with my phone camera as I was walking to work.)

 It reminds me of the "sweater trees" that I've heard of recently. Also NOT a good use of knitting skills and time.

Rittenhouse Square Holiday Decoration Update

Yay! There will be holiday decorations in Rittenhouse Square this winter after all! Crisis averted!

Photo of the Day, 11/17/09

NY comes to Philly.

Just a little holiday cheer, please?

I just read that yet another of the casualties of the City's budget crisis is Rittenhouse Square, or, more specifically, the Square's holiday lights. In years past, one of my favorite things about the winter is walking through the Square and seeing the giant Christmas balls in the trees. For someone who seriously suffers in the winter due to lack of sunlight, the holiday decorations in the Square, along Market Street, along Broad Street and at City Hall gave me an infusion of much-needed cheer and levity.

Each and every year, I'd walk around the city and "ooh and aah" over the lights and snowflakes. It would start to be when I felt the "Christmas Spirit." Without those symbolic representations of the season, the winter and the holidays just won't be the same. And this year, more than any other year in the past, I feel like I need the "Christmas Spirit" to lift my spirits.

I know that times are tough for all, but if you can, please help make sure that the holiday lights (at least in Rittenhouse Square) shine bright this year, as they have in the past.

Photo of the Day, 11/8/09

Masonic Temple, Broad St.




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Photo of the Day, 11/7/09

Extreme cuteness!!

Act the Way You Want to Feel

That's far easier said than done.