New Year, New Everything

Whoa. It's been a while. There have been a couple of times when I've written a post in my head, but I've been away from my computer. There have been a few times when I've wanted to post a picture of the day, but something distracted me and I never got around to it.

But with the new year comes new goals, a new job, and a new perspective on everything. I start my new job a week from tomorrow, and I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous. I'm absolutely terrified, but I have to hope and think that wonderful things are going to happen with this new position.

I decided to schedule a week off between my old job and my new one, so now that I have a little staycation scheduled, there are a few things that I wanted to do in the next week.

Some of the boring, mundane tasks include:
*Cleaning my apartment from top to bottom
*Real grocery shopping
*Finish paying my bills
*Downloading and sending pictures to my uncle, sister and aunt that I promised weeks ago

For fun, though, there are a bunch of things that I'm going to make time for (in no particular order):
*A couple of photography days/afternoons where I can roam around and practice with my camera
*Photograph and post my recently finished knitting projects
*Have lunch with my architecture firm friends
*Have lunch or dinner with S and M
*Go to 2 yoga classes this week
*Do some leisure reading
*Go to the Barnes
*Go to the PMA
*Grab coffee with J
*Spend some time with K and her new baby Maisie
*Maybe visit S and her new baby Micah
*Maybe drive down to Baltimore to see M & D, and their kids Katie and Sophia

Not necessarily rip-roaring excitement, but I'm looking forward to a pressure-free few days when I have nothing to do except relax and have fun. So, here goes...

Backslide

I'm not really sure what happened, but I find myself back where I was 2 months ago.

Holiday Blues

Most people are thrilled for the arrival of the holidays. Me? I secretly dread them. The period between Thanksgiving and New Years has always been extraordinarily difficult for me, which is rather strange, since I actually LOVE these holidays. But this year, I just can't get myself into the holiday spirit.

There's this strange disconnect, in which I love them - especially Christmas - from afar. I love the holiday excitement. I love the lights, the decorations, the fantasy-like atmosphere of the Christmas season. At the same time, though, I feel like I'm always an observer, not a participant. And I think that that's why I sometimes dread this time of year. And I usually love giving gifts, but for the most part, I'm not doing that this year. And I don't want to get gifts. I just wish that the next 2-3 weeks would just pass by like any other time of the year, as if there wasn't anything special about it.

(The one thing that I truly hate about this time of year: the holiday car commercials featuring luxury car with giant bows on them. I'll hate them with ever fiber of my being until the day I die.)

Something else I've bee thinking about...

What I think about when I can't sleep

There are all sorts of thoughts that run through my head when I am awake at 3am. I think about the things that I have left undone. I think about the things that I want for the rest of my life. I wonder about how things would be if they were... different. I think about the things that I can and that I can't control. Especially the things that I can't control. I think a lot about regrets. I constantly wish that I could turn the clock back weeks, months, years. I think about things left unsaid, and things that I wish had been left unsaid. I ask myself "what if" and "why not" and "when" and "where." I rewrite history in my head. And all of these things: I think about them EVERY night. These are the wheels in my head that never stop turning. These questions never get answered, these problems are never resolved. They just cycle through my head ad infinitum.

Silence

It's just about 9pm, and I just realized that an entire day has elapsed without me talking to a single person. I don't really know how I feel about that, other than it just IS. I didn't make any attempt to talk to anyone; I had plans to go out today, and I just kept pushing them back an hour until it became too late.

And it's not the first time. I go through days at a stretch when I don't speak to another person, unless I go to work. Even then, sometimes I can go through a whole day without opening my mouth. This constant silence feels like it's almost smothering. I think that's why I always have to have music or the TV on all the time. At least I'm catching up on my podcasts.

A minor knitting rant

As I was getting ready to leave my aunt's after Thanksgiving dinner last night, my cousin asked about my Onerva scarf that I'd knit. She really liked it, and begged me to make one for her. (I've already made her Christmas gift, but I just might have to come up with a little something extra for her!) Anyway, my aunt's friend, who was also at the dinner, also commented on it, and then asked me to knit not one, not two, but THREE items for her. I looked at her somewhat in disbelief, as she said that she would like a triangular scarf, a regular scarf, and then a cardigan sweater. I even said to her that I hated knitting sweaters, and that I have yet to finish the one that I started for myself back in March. She oh-so-kindly responded that she could wait until after Christmas. Dude, I'm not even knitting scarves for my family members, who I know and love because they take too darn long. There's no way that I'm going to knit all this stuff for my aunt's friend, since I barely know her! But seriously... she just made her requests like it's no big deal.

(OK, rant over.)

I'm a fan of knitting, but this is a bit much...

The bike racks outside my favorite coffee shop have new "decorations." It's ...uh... interesting. (P.S. Apologies for the poor photo quality. I took these with my phone camera as I was walking to work.)

 It reminds me of the "sweater trees" that I've heard of recently. Also NOT a good use of knitting skills and time.

Rittenhouse Square Holiday Decoration Update

Yay! There will be holiday decorations in Rittenhouse Square this winter after all! Crisis averted!

Photo of the Day, 11/17/09

NY comes to Philly.