Spring Cleaning/Organization

I desperately need to get some spring cleaning going on in my apartment, before I get carried off by the dust monsters hiding under my sofa and behind my bookshelves. I also need to do some serious organizing... With my newfound knitting obsession, I've quickly realized that I need to do something to keep my yarns, needles, patterns, etc. in a somewhat organized fashion. That's why I think these cute little bags would be SO useful! While I suppose that I could make something like them myself, it wouldn't hurt for me to take my chances with winning one in a raffle!



http://stardustshoes.blogspot.com/2009/03/giveaway.html

Solar-powered

Today was... different. I didn't feel great, but I didn't feel miserable either. There was none of the crushing anxiety that I feel like I've been smothered by over the last couple of weeks. I can't say "over the last few months" though, because this is a recurring thing. I definitely go through these phases where I am completely and utterly overwhelmed by stress and anxiety, and that stress almost paralyzes and incapacitates me. And then it passes. And when it does, I have a day like today, where the sun shines warmly and brightly, I'm not buried under my (oh-so-warm!) down comforter of a coat, and I can drive around with my windows, down, feeling with wind in my hair, with the music blaring. That was a good feeling. So relatively insignificant, but it so tremendously made my day to be able to do that today.

All of the things that sometimes overwhelm me are still there, but I definitely needed a day where I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face to recharge my solar-powered batteries, and today was just that day!

Finding Purpose

I am starting to realize that one my biggest issues with not working is that I've realized that I don't feel like I have a purpose anymore. Just the act of going to work int he morning means that someone has value to others. One is performing a service that makes someone else's life better in some way, no matter how small. I'm just not sure where I fall on the spectrum anymore, and that not knowing is one of the biggest things causing me angst. I know it's silly, but I feel as though I have no purpose since I have nothing tangible to contribute to anyone anymore. It's horribly frustrating. And I suppose it's different than using my time to volunteer. I've done a few things, and it's just not the same. Seriously, if I don't find a new job soon, I'm going to crack.

I haven't forgotten how to read!

For the first time in I don't know how long, I actually sat down and read an entire book from cover to cover in one afternoon. I forgot what an absolutely glorious feeling it is to be so utterly immersed into a book that you forget to eat, you lose track of time, and you don't want to get up to go to the bathroom because you don't want to take a break from the action! it was a great feeling. The funny thing is, this book -- Twilight -- sat on my bookshelf for a couple of months after a friend loaned it to me because I honestly didn't think that it was going to be that good. But it was the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon, especially since I'm on "doctor's" orders to cut back on my knitting until my wrist heals up (don't ask...). So, friend (you know who you are), thank you for introducing me to this series... I'll be calling you for book #2 tomorrow!

(Um... when did a chunk of my laptop casing crack and fall off??? Grumble.)

Thinking positively

I decided to take a page out of a friends' book (or blog, so to speak), and try to list some of the things that have made me happy today. I tried - for a while - to keep a daily "gratitude journal," but it actually became tedious. And, there were a few days where there really wasn't anything that I was sincerely grateful or happy for.

Anyway, I'm not going to do this every day, but I'm going to do it today. The 5 things that I am happy or grateful for, or that I feel positively about. Here goes:

1. Good -- really GOOD -- chocolate truffles with lavender milk chocolate ganache
2. Car washes
3. Getting a chance to wear my favorite power suit
4. Speed networking (who would have thought that it would be so much fun?!)
5. Good parking karma

Whew! I suppose that coming up with a list of 5 things wasn't so difficult after all. While I doubt that I'm going to write 5 things down each and every day, I can definitely think of a few things that will help me to think a bit more positively!

Tick... tock... tick... tock...

It's been a little while since I've blogged, mostly because I haven't
had much to say, and partially because I've been in such a miserable
mood the last few days. And honestly, I don't have anything remarkable
to say now, but it's 2:30 in the morning, and I'm wide awake and
unable to sleep, so what else is there to do - other than listening to
the wind howling outside?

What is fate?

Sometimes I wonder what this construct called fate actually is. Does it really exist? In reality, are there things about one's life that are predestined, or preordained, and won't change -- no matter how hard one tries?

I feel that way sometimes. I'm not generally one to say that something is FATE, or that something was destined to happen. For the most part, I do feel like we as individuals shape our destinies, and that our lives are what we make of them.

Every once in a while, though, I think that no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, there are some things that are going to happen a certain way, and there's absolutely nothing that I can do to make it different. Even if the outcome isn't something that I want. So I guess the question is, do I keep spinning my wheels and keep trying to change my fate, or do I try to work my ass off to change -- to improve my path?

Snow Day!!

I finally got my snow! There's something so beautiful about falling snow and newly fallen snow. That period of time when everything -- the streets, cars, and tree branches are covered in a blanket of white, when the sky itself is still white from the snow falling. Undisturbed snow is so serene and peaceful, and for some reason always makes me smile. Newly fallen snow makes me want to run outside and roll around in the snow, make snow angels and throw snowballs. In short, it makes me regress to when I was a kid, when the snow was very much a blessing (because it meant no school!), rather than the curse it becomes when it interferes with one's commute.

But now that I got my big snowstorm of the season (well, it's big enough), I'm ready for spring!

There must be a herd of elephants living upstairs

I hate for this to become a rant blog, but at this point I'm so irritated that I have to share my frustration somehow. My upstairs neighbors (a 20-something couple) are very nice, but they're ridiculously loud. And I think it's unintentional, which makes it difficult to complain to them. They're just loud, and I don't think they realize how loud they are. They're all about slamming the doors when they come and go. Apparently, just shutting the door is impossible; it has to be slammed really, really hard to make sure that it actually closes. Which is not a problem that I have when I come and go... And it's almost as if they're intentionally stomping when they walk up and down the stairs. This isn't just a normal tread; they are incredibly loud! It lasts from them walking up the stairs to their floor, to them walking around inside their apartment. And finally, why is it that it always sounds like they're remodeling furniture up there? It doesn't matter what time of the day or night, but it constantly sounds like they're moving the largest pieces of furniture in their apartment around all the time. Like now, for example. I find it amazing (and thoroughly infuriating) that two people can make such an extraordinary amount of noise and not realize it.

Left by the wayside

I realized that I haven't been engaging in some of my favorite hobbies lately. I don't remember the last time I read a book or did a crossword. All of my free time (and I have a LOT of it) has been consumed by knitting. And it's not that I don't enjoy reading; I love burying myself in a good story, but I realized today when someone who knows of my love of reading asked what I'd read lately, that I didn't have an answer! That's so uncharacteristic of me! What happened to me devouring the written word as if it was the air that I needed to breathe to keep myself alive? I need to get back onto the horse. I have several books that I've bought over the last few months and not touched, plus I have a few that I've borrowed from people, including the first in the Twilight series... I really enjoy knitting, but it's about time I got back to my first love.